Coming Out and Coming Together

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Walking into class that September morning, I had no idea that one of my students would come out about her sexuality during the course of a class discussion. Neither did she. After previous class work with White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack by Peggy McIntosh, the conversation on that day was designed merely to explore heterosexual privileges.

“I just don’t understand why if you’re gay, you can’t just keep it to yourself,” said Jasmine, an African-American sophomore (whose name has been changed, like the others in this article). “What does it matter if people don’t know? I’m originally from Georgia, and I’m a liberal, but I wouldn’t talk about it with my friends. I think that being gay is different than being black, or being a woman; you can choose to keep quiet about being gay.”

I could feel all eyes turn to me. As often happens in these situations the temperature seemed to rise in my veins. However, before I could respond, a generally quiet young woman spoke up.

“It matters because when I go to dinner with my girlfriend people stare at us or make comments,” Sarah said. “It makes me feel like there’s something wrong with us, like we’re bad people.”

In that moment, the room seemed to shift in size and scope, and it felt as though the oxygen had slipped out through every crevice. I looked around to take in how individual students were processing this newly revealed piece of information, but Sarah continued.

“I’m tired of sitting in science class and hearing people make comments about homosexuality that are extremely offensive,” she said. “It makes me feel like an alien in my own school; they don’t know I’m gay.”

The discussion continued among the students in a thoughtful manner, and after about 20 minutes I decided to step in.

“I just want to let you all know how proud I am at this moment,” I said. “Together we have created a space where Sarah has felt comfortable enough to share part of herself with us, and I want to make sure we recognize her courage. I also want us to commit to respecting her and her privacy as well.”

Agreement was unanimous and instant.

At the time, I had no idea that this moment would spawn subsequent campus-wide actions to support LGBT students. But we were able to get to this point before the second month of school because we dedicated the entire first week of class to discussing these kinds of topics.

Students are already facing the issues that many teachers fear bringing into the classroom. By shaping our rooms into safe places for discussion, we can defuse much of the tension that builds as a result of avoiding these critical issues. If we are serious about building a peaceful world through education, we must overcome our own inhibitions as teachers and create a class culture and coursework to this end. Doing so isn’t easy. But the things that are worthwhile rarely are.