Connecting With Students Through Dialogue

“Blah, blah, blah.” That’s what one of my seventh-grade students wrote all over his paper in response to an assignment I had given.

At first, I was irritated. But then I asked myself, “Why would this student do this?” He was clearly telling me the assignment wasn’t important to him. After that, I looked for ways to make class activities more meaningful to students. I found that talking to students and listening to what they had to say was one of the most effective ways of knowing what they cared about and tapping into their intrinsic motivation.

Later, while working with student teachers, I turned this experience into a maxim: “Focus on connecting with students versus trying to control them.” As the student teachers left the seminar that day, I challenged them to find a way to engage their students in meaningful dialogue that would help the teachers make assignments more meaningful. During our seminar the following week, Lila, one of the student teachers, gave an example of how she did this.

Lila was working with fourth-graders and doing a unit on persuasive writing. She shared with her students a letter to the editor about the use of cell phones in public places. The person writing this letter complained of people talking on cell phones in coffee shops and cafés. She wanted a city ordinance restricting talking on phones in all indoor public places. Lila asked the students what they thought about this idea and soon had students offering their opinions. “No problem,” said one student. “People can text instead of talk.” Other students, however, were against the ordinance. “People should be allowed to talk if they want to.” As the students expressed their opinions, Lila recorded their ideas in terms of pros and cons. She also probed for deeper thinking by asking the students what they thought the balance should be between individual freedoms and what the majority of people might want. To help them understand the question, she asked them to think of someone who doesn’t use texting. Would it be fair to deny them use of their phone in public places?

After Lila shared this story, I asked her what difference she noticed in student engagement in the lesson. “The first thing I noticed,” Lila said, “was that all the students seemed interested and wanted to participate. I also noticed that they were actually listening to each other. And when I asked them to write their own response as a letter to the editor, they all got right into it.”

Lila’s story illustrates the importance of using students’ interests (cell phones in this case) and their desire to express their opinions as motivation to become actively engaged in a learning activity. As Lila said, the students “got right into it” when she asked them to write their own letters. She relied on students’ intrinsic motivation rather than promises of reward or threats of punishment to get students to do their work. She was able to tap their intrinsic motivation based on what she knew was interesting or personally meaningful to her students, information she learned by listening to them. Once Lila knew what her students cared about, she was able to plan activities and assignments that matched their interests.

It’s not unusual for students—like my seventh-grader—to feel alienated from their schoolwork and separated from the adults who try to guide and teach them. Once students get the feeling that adults don’t really care, their defenses go up and the chances of them growing into caring adults go down. Engaging students in meaningful dialogue and listening attentively to what they have to say are essential for showing them that we are responsive and that we care.

Following are some resources you may find helpful in your efforts to connect with students through meaningful dialogue: 

• Critical Practices for Anti-bias Education: Classroom Culture

• “Controversial Subjects in the Classroom”

• The Challenge to Care in Schools, 2nd edition, Nel Noddings

• Education and Democracy in the 21st Century, Nel Noddings

Editor's note: Want to learn more about establishing a safe, culturally responsive classroom culture? Try this professional development module.

 Wilson is an educational consultant and curriculum writer.