Printer-friendly versionSomething about Belinda’s brave smile looks familiar to me. The briefest shadow darkens her face while other students banter about the gifts they’ve asked for and the ones they’ve already received. Because she’s outgoing, the other kids don’t recognize the proud face she wears while they talk of skiing, sumptuous meals and overseas travel. Belinda never says a word. She just smiles and listens.
Growing up on welfare in a wealthy town, I was hyper-conscious of what everyone had and what I didn’t. I was embarrassed when my mom paid for our groceries with food stamps, counting them out along with dozens of coupons, while women in fur coats wrote out elegant checks with fancy pens. Something about the shadow behind Belinda’s smile reminds me of how I used to feel growing up without in a land of with.
On especially cold or rainy days, when she lets me, I drive Belinda home so she doesn’t have to trudge through the wooded path in her tattered Converse sneakers and thin jacket. Last week she joked about the gasoline cans in the driveway, left over from when her mom ran out of gas. I remember being unable to afford more than a couple of gallons of gas. Rather than ask for three dollars worth of gasoline, we filled up some cans to make it look like we needed fuel for the lawnmower.
I think about the embarrassed young girl I used to be, and I wonder what a teacher might have said or done for me that would have made me feel better. The truth is, there wasn’t anything anyone could do. I didn’t want to be rich like the other kids. I just didn’t want to be poor. I’ve always been a proud person. I recognize the same quality in Belinda.
I wanted to give her a trinket for the holidays, but I feared that she would tell the other kids, which would make me uncomfortable. I also didn’t know how she’d interpret a gift from me. I didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable either.
So I thought about what I would have wanted if there had been a teacher who had recognized me as her kindred spirit. What could she have given me that would have made me feel cared for without making me feel embarrassed about my financial situation? Probably just the recognition that I was a kindred spirit would have been enough.
Although she’s been home sick all week, Belinda came in just to drop off a gift for me. Her eyes sparkled at my wide surprise. The gift card she gave me was kind, but what made me choke up was the beautiful letter she had written. Not only had I recognized something familiar in Belinda’s smile, but she had recognized me, too.
Sofen is a middle school writing teacher in Sparta, N.J.
Comments
You could give anonymous
You could give anonymous gifts of clean socks, shirts, shoes, boots, healthy nonperishable food...in her locker so that she won't know who they are from. With her last name in the clothes and shoes so that she can't think that they are a mistake. And you can give them in the spirit of it being a gift for yourself, to warm your heart, rather than a gift of pity. She will appreciate it.
Just beautiful. Thank
Just beautiful. Thank heavens for teachers like you; each of us can make a difference for others if we pay attention.
Thank you for this essay. It
Thank you for this essay. It is a reminder of how poverty effect the young and poor in our wealthy country and how we should look for ways, even if they are small, to help them.
Kindred Spirit I had a
Kindred Spirit
I had a kindred spirit when I was in 5th grade. He changed my life. Blessings to you and those you love!
We see so many things in
We see so many things in little eyes. So much pain, so much hope.
Thank you for writing this.
It is my belief that, along
It is my belief that, along with little items and essentials to let an impoverished student know someone cares about their well-being, one of the best gifts you can give them is the conviction that poverty is not forever and moreover, it is something they can escape from with hard work and industry. I remember a story told by retired Senator Zell Miller of Georgia about a kind and generous teacher who became aware of a local family that could feed themselves but couldn't afford to send their kids to school in new clothes. She tried gathering clothing from a local Salvation Army depot and giving it to the family anonymously; the family used the clothes for a dog bed because they felt ashamed to accept a handout. The teacher's solution was to offer the mother of the family work doing odd jobs around her classroom in return for being paid in clothing and other essentials. Now allowed to receive a fair wage for fair work, the family accepted the teacher's generosity because it was no longer someone giving them something for nothing.
Now, obviously this isn't a very common circumstance but it seems to me that a child who is given a piece of candy or a pretty trinket or even something more practical as a reward for hard work and perseverance is getting something they want, true, but is also getting something they need to have. A child who graduates from high school, who works hard and earns a degree in college, and who exercises the discipline to establish their financial stability before establishing a family is rarely going to be trapped in poverty. The key to this success, however, is a firm belief that success and prosperity follows industry and hard work. To apply the familiar Chinese proverb, someone who grows up learning to receive fish from someone else without working for it will never escape dependence on someone else for their life; on the other hand, someone who grows being taught to fish will rarely become entrapped in a situation where they depend wholly upon another for their daily bread. Thus, the best gift a poor child can be given is to learn how to fish.
I have recently read some
I have recently read some interesting views on 'hard work' as a way to escape poverty. It makes me wonder how true this statement is today. Some of the hardest working people I know are minimum wage earners. Here as an interesting article on minorities and the American Dream http://tech.mit.edu/V123/N3/pro_affirmative.3f.html
Recognizing the impact
Recognizing the impact poverty has on students in school can be the seed of making change for them. We have operated a number of program in my distrct over the 20 years of my tenure to quiettly help these students. These projects include a district wide Holiday Gift drive wich is kept totally confidential, collecting and recycling suits and dresses for students to wear to dances and special events and providing clothing and shoes at the beginning of the school year. These simple things discretely provided can give students from low income families a boost and the oppurtunity to feel and do things like their peers.
I do not know if the program
I do not know if the program still exist, but when I was in middle school there was a program where if a counselor was made aware of a student in need. They would provide clothing vouchers. This could still be done in the form of a store gift card. If the store and the school colaborate, perhaps they could create an in store voucher useable only for clothing.
I believe that if school administrators took the time they could work with local vendors to create coupons redeemable for shoes, clothes, even school supplies.
The options are out there it takes one' to get them started.
This is a fantastic idea-with
This is a fantastic idea-with the "infrastructure" in place both literally and in the public knowledge to provide free or reduced-cost school lunches to students in need, it's just another step in providing kids what they need - and reduces the possible embarassmnnt or feeling like the recipient of a handout - it's a program worked out with a store.
This is a beautiful story!
This is a beautiful story! Kudos to you for your understanding and caring for this little girl. I also grew up poor in a wealthy town and it was teachers such as you who made all the difference in the person I am today. Daily interaction, understanding, advocacy, care and love propelled me to excel in school despite my circumstances. One of my teachers, a senators wife, convinced me that not only was I just as good as everyone else around me, but because I will always carry the memory of working with fewer resources, it would give me a unique perspective and skill set that will be valuable on this planet, and an advantage over others. Imagine that, seeing your "deficit" as an advantage! Bless you, you have no idea of the magnitude of the impact your actions will have on this girl's future and view of herself, and that's what makes your actions so beautiful.
Having taught for 32 years, I
Having taught for 32 years, I believe relationships are more important than anything we teach. Kids know when we genuinely care. I have a closet in my classroom with a supply of gloves, socks, snowpants, healthy snacks etc. It is easier at the elementary level because they are still young enough to trust. Children need to know they matter. We see them and listen to them. At that point any help we offer is just brainstorming and solving a problem. Keep up the good work. I hear your heart.
Dear Laura, This is a
Dear Laura, This is a beautiful thing you do! You must be a saint. I feel so happy to send my child to school knowing there has to be teachers like you in my school district. Thank you for making the community a better place. It's just great what you do. You must inspire many children to give, not receive. BEAUTIFUL!