Printer-friendly versionWe must teach conflict resolution, empathy and individual responsibility to students as deliberately as we teach math and science. Schools will not get better until we do.
The following is an excerpt from a journal I kept during my second year of teaching in New Orleans:
Yesterday it was police dogs.
This morning another one of my students was in handcuffs.
A special-ed student. In my class last year. Rarely caused much of a disturbance. He would try when I could sit right there at his shoulder. When I could walk him through the steps and help him spell words most first graders know. This morning he was the 3rd arrest on campus.
At 7:25 a.m. the dean and supervising teacher wrestled a pair of boys into the office where I was busy talking to the secretary. The first boy was screaming, his mouth full of blood. "I'll f*cking kill you motherf*ker! I don't care! I f*cking put my life on that!" And he knelt for a minute before they could grab him again. He crossed himself like we do when we eat at Grandma's house.
The other boy was so enraged that the dean, a fit woman from the inner-city, physically pushed him into a seat, while the on-campus cop got the other kid into his corner. My vice principal, very rationally said, "Okay, you've gotta act like a student now."
Three minutes later, two girls were at it. The [other] kids were all standing on the bleachers, stadium-style. Some
of them pumped their arms and chanted. Many were laughing. Not the clear, silly
laughter of children though. It was harder than that.
I had a really hard time understanding it when I first arrived here: their near-obsession with fighting. But I've come to understand it more. They have to fight so often. For attention from adults. For enough to eat, for a fair shot, to not-get-shot… fighting at school is usually safer, easier than those other fights. At school, you know that there's going to be someone to pull you apart. Socially, you prove that you're not "scary" (their word for "weak"), but you don't run so much of a risk of the other kid having a gun on his hip as you would if you started the same thing on the street. At least at school, you get some attention, and all it might cost you is a black eye or bloody lip. And as a spectator, you get some aggression out vicariously, and cheer because: 1. It's a distraction; and 2. It's not you.
I altered my lessons that day so we could watch Obama's speech to students, an annual event in which the president addresses students all over the country and encourages hard work, good study habits and goal-setting. It made for a good discussion of personal responsibility.
We can't forget that we, as teachers, are responsible for teaching that too.
We live in an age where the ability to recall many facts is no longer a valued skill. We are also living in an age where violence is glorified and the gap between rich and poor grows wider everyday. Even if it’s not in the job description we get from HR, it is our responsibility to teach empathy and conflict resolution. I don’t believe most educators go into the profession because they’re passionate about content standards. I believe good teachers teach because they want to make students’ lives better. Undermining violence is one way we can begin to do that.
We can explicitly teach alternatives to fighting. We can use one period of enrichment a month to teach strategies for peacefully addressing conflict. We can establish peer-mediation groups in our classes and schools. We can work toward a restorative justice model to address issues like fighting. There are a million small steps we can take to start chipping away at this overwhelming, violent reality.
We can.
And we must.
Craven is a middle school English teacher in Louisiana.
Comments
Very thoughtful. I think
Very thoughtful. I think you're right about good teachers wanting to make students lives better. I'm glad you're one of those teachers.
After reading this article I
After reading this article I have a new understanding of what changes in schools and society should be made. The way violence and fighting is viewed these days is not a healthy way to live. I feel that there should be more conflict resolution information available to all people. In my high school there was no conflict resolution class. If students had a conflict they would have to work it out on their own or let it escalate. Once something escalated it would grab the attention of the teacher around them. They then would go to the principal and he would help them work through their conflict. I wish there was peer mediation. It would have helped the students grow and prosper by showing them how they have to power to help. Often times in middle and high school students feel like they have no control over their lives. Being a peer mediator would show them how important they are to the lives of others. The skills they gain in conflict resolution would help them later in life. Schools should be encouraging conflict resolution as an important life skill. I think that society would benefit greatly from the increase in education.
I find this article will open
I find this article will open the eyes of many people. In high school I saw so many violent fights where students were even hospitalized or hurt very badly and there are not enough teachers and adults who will do something to stop this. Children fight at school because they have no one to stop them, no one to tell them no, and no one to really punish them. Most kids get ISS and I have heard kids laugh and joke about how they got it again and how it's just some really long study hall. There should be changes made in schools to decrease the fighting and bullying in schools.
I feel this this article will
I feel this this article will open many peoples eyes and make them try to make a differeence. I know after reading this article I have to agree that there is to much fighting in schools. When I was in high school I saw it all the time and most of it was over nothing that was worth fighting over. I have to agree with what one of the teacher said about how most teacher became teachers to help the children. That is why I want to be a teacher to help children and make a difference in their lives. This is where teachers can start.
I agree with what this
I agree with what this teacher is saying. It makes perfect sense to me when she lists the reasons kids fight in school. I believe she is correct in saying that some kids fight in school because they know someone will break them up. To some kids this might be an incentive because then nobody will end up being severely hurt. Well, not as hurt as if nobody stopped them that is. Other kids I think fight just because they can’t control their anger, or they snap. Other times I have heard of kids that bully because they can’t afford things that other children have…even food. They bully to gain these items so they feel normal and fit in. I believe violence is on the rise in schools. When my brothers were in high school, sure there were fights. But when I was in high school, it seemed like every single day someone was fighting someone else. I think that teachers do have a responsibility to try and stop violence and to educate the children on good habits such as conflict resolution skills. Something this simple can go a long way in decreasing some of the violence we have in schools.
I really liked this article
I really liked this article for the fact that it talks about something that not only teachers, but all adults need to worry about. Conflict resolution, empathy and individual responsivility is important to be thaught, so that students can learn effective ways of dealing with conflict rather than acting like the student in the article. Although i believe that this should not be only though to students, but to adults as well, because even if they are responsable and all, they sometimes need the fundamentals. That besides the point, the article was great and the author has some really good points.
I thought this article was
I thought this article was really moving. I still dont understand why kids always use fighting to solve problems because all it gets it injuries and problems in school. I enjoyed reading this and getting another side of what somebody sees.
I liked the article because I
I liked the article because I do agree that students shouldn’t always fight to solve their problems. Fighting makes the situation worst to me, I know if I were to fight someone, and I lost the fight, I would want to fight that person over and over again until I won. Fist fighting doesn’t prove anything; children today need to talk about their problems, rather than acting on a person.
This article blows my mind. I
This article blows my mind. I know I'm from a small town and this kind of thing doesn't happen, ever, but I could never imagine a first grader being brought out of the classroom in hand cuffs. Craven is absolutely correct. It is the duty of educators to educate children about conflict resolution and empathy. This article makes my heart hurt because there are children out there literally fighting for attention and acceptance. Schools should absolutely take more steps in trying to control violence and bullying in schools. Peer mediators are a great start but I’m sure there are other steps schools can take.
I agree with this post. Most
I agree with this post. Most of us go into to teaching to help children learn. Learning is not set at math, science, social studies and english. Children need to learn about responsibility, trust, honesty, kindness and many other things. I am currently taking a conflict resolution class and we learned different way to teach conflict resolution to children. I feel that this class is one of the most important classes that any student going to be a teacher, should take. Children need to see that there are ways to solve conflict without fighting, yelling and screaming. It is our jobs as teachers to show them and teach them conflict resolution. Teaching a student conflict resolution can stop bullying and violence.
In our school we had peer
In our school we had peer mediation training for the students and the principal/guidance counselor used them a few times and then stopped. They never really used the training enough to make it successful. It was a shame. For some of these kids, school is the safest place they know. Peer mediation can help to solve problems and give them a go-to person when they are struggling. This is really a sad reflection on our communities, society and parenting skills.
In our school we had peer
In our school we had peer mediation training for the students and the principal/guidance counselor used them a few times and then stopped. They never really used the training enough to make it successful. It was a shame. For some of these kids, school is the safest place they know. Peer mediation can help to solve problems and give them a go-to person when they are struggling. This is really a sad reflection on our communities, society and parenting skills.
This article really opened up
This article really opened up my eyes. I never really thought about fighting in a way of getting attention. I can see why kids would want to fight at school, because if they do it at home nobody might not stop them, or they can end up seriously hurt or even dead. I never experienced anything like this in my school. Where I came from you would see a fight every three months.
i feel that this article will
i feel that this article will open many eyes of not only teachers, but many adults and even students. It will start to get more teachers to realize they need to try and help the situation. back home, when i was in highschool; i lived in a small town, where if there was a fight the teachers resolved it right away.
The first thing that came to
The first thing that came to my mind was "Wow". I come from a small town and graduated with only 25 people in my class and I knew there was a lot of conflict and fighting in schools. but I never realized the extent to which it was happening. I agree with the author of this article that we as people who are educators or going into education need to take steps towards resolving these issues. We need to teach students at a young age that violence is not the answer. Peer mediation and support groups are a good way to show the students that other students care and are going through similar situations in their lives. We need to start helping now before it escalates to an irresolvable issue.
I was in complete shock when
I was in complete shock when I read this article. I couldn’t believe some of the things the kids had said to one another. In a way you read what had happened and you think wow what would I do if I was in this situation. I think kids sometimes act out in school because most of the time they get away with it. I believe that in society today with all the new technology and entertainment kids take these things and act on them. Although high school we had fights once a week. It was hard to watch the bully beat up the nerd because he crossed his path in the hallway. The reasons for kids fighting these days are obscured. I don’t even think they realize how easily there altercation could be resolved. I know in my school we had a peer mediator (I was a mediator) and not a lot of the students went, I think in my opinion they are embarrassed or worry what their friends are going to say. I think no matter what their will always be disagreements but it should never come down to physical violence
I think teachers, too often,
I think teachers, too often, look the other way when it comes to violence. Peer mediation, and conflict resolution skills are valuable resources that are often forgotten, yet necessary. I agree that fighting at school is a way of getting attention in a less scary situation. Yes, better than fighting on the streets, but still a very unnecessary practice. Children need to be taught these skills so that violence can take a back seat, and education can once again be the most important part of the school day.
While reading this article,
While reading this article, all I could think about is my younger cousin. I literally just read on her facebook page how she has gotten suspended for four days due to a fight at school. The way she posted it on the web just proves that she is proud that it happened. When asked how she got suspended she said, “I beat the sh*t outta some girl.” This direct quote emphasizes the need to attention. It is sad that in today’s society students are forced to become physical with one another to gain the attention from the adults around them. It is an epidemic that should be stopped as soon as possible. The strategies that we’ve learned in class, peer mediation, should be used more often in schools. It might help decrease the number of fights that are occurring.
This article was very
This article was very interesting. I was very surprised to read that it was in elementary school, and mentally challenged children were getting into fights. I think allot of children in this time period are spoiled. With their lack of respect for one another, and with the need to use their fist to prove a point. When I was in high school I remember a girl say, “this school is so boring, there’s barely any fights here.” Personally I thought the lack of violence was a good thing, if there was allot of violence at the school I was attending I would have felt worried for my life. The teacher who wrote the article was understandable when she said there should be at least a month of conflict resolution teaching. There needs to be an effort for a long period of time so it doesn’t go through one ear and out the other.
I really like this article;
I really like this article; it makes me realize that there are changes that still need to be made in school when dealing with fights and violence. I believe that by using peer-mediation we in fact can work toward a restorative justice model to address issues like fighting. Having the children know of a way to stop fights and come to agreement in important.
this is a crazy example of
this is a crazy example of the decay of the school system. these ideas the other has NEED TO START IN FIRST GRADE.
I’m shocked! After reading
I’m shocked! After reading this article my want to be an educator has become a need. The increase in fighting as wells as bullying in schools needs to be seriously addressed. I can understand the reason why a student might think that they need to fight; they need to fight so that they aren’t bullied, teased, mocked, harassed, because they need to prove themselves to their peers, and show them that they are not a John Doe they are who they are, they are important, unique, they are one of a kind, and above all a force not to be reckoned with. It is unfortunate however, that students choose/ believe that this is the only way out. The only way to prove themselves and also make up for short comings whether lack of economic stability at home and/or in some instances the need of attention. It is also inopportune that some kids do it because they don’t have posses the necessary tools to address their problems in a positive constructive manner. Thank you Ms. Craven for sharing this will all of us.