Printer-friendly versionGrowing up, no one told me that people shouldn’t be gay. My parents didn’t tell me I shouldn’t talk to kids whose parents were lesbian. My neighbors didn’t rant against the horrors of gay rights. Instead, all the people in my life encouraged me to live openly, to take people’s personalities and see the beauty in them, to smile at the adorable young couple clutching each other’s hands, no matter their gender. Love was love. I lived in a world blissfully ignorant about the cruelties of the “real world.”
My first glimpse at those cruelties came in the book Totally Joe. It’s the story of a teenage boy named Joe who lets people at school know that he’s gay. This leads to a daily onslaught of insults. While I was reading, I always had a glimmer of doubt about the story. People weren’t really that mean, I thought. No one really says things that awful, do they?
I came to middle school and learned the reality of Joe’s story. But I realized that I had the chance to do something about it. I gave scathing glares to each utterance of “fag” and “queer,” scolded people who said “that’s so gay” and “you’re a girl.” But as the year moved on, my reprimands slowed. It was easy to simply excuse insults as “middle school” and convince myself that my voice wouldn’t change anything anyway.
On April 15, however, I was reminded of the consequences of silence. Posters in the school hallways announced GLSEN’s Day of Silence, a day on which students nationwide remain silent to bring attention to bullying and harassment.
At first I had no intention of shutting my voice off for a day. But I soon realized something astonishing: I had no idea what it was like to be bullied. I’d never been forced to swallow my words, never been too afraid to open my mouth and be myself. And if I didn’t grasp what that felt like, how could I possibly speak out against it?
So, I donned a sign of silence and spent the next few hours thinking. I started remembering all the comments I’d ever let go—the “fags” and “queers” I’d ignored because the people saying them “were just joking.” I’d excused my growing silence with the idea that, one day, I’d have my moment when I’d stand up to the bully and really change something.
On April 15, though, I realized that we don’t get a single moment to make up for a lifetime of silence. Instead, we owe victims of bullying our voices every day—our voices for speaking out against bullies, our voices for comforting those who are hurt, our voices whispering or shouting or murmuring through the fray. We owe it to those aching to notice to walk up and remind them to follow Joe’s advice and “just be yourself, okay?”
Gwyneth Henke is an eighth-grader in St. Louis.
Comments
This is beautiful, touching,
This is beautiful, touching, well-written essay. If only I could write so well!
What a powerful piece,
What a powerful piece, Gwyneth! It's not easy to challenge ourselves and think about how we might be a passive participant by not speaking up when we hear others use hurtful language. I love, love, love your perspective. Thank you.
So true, Gwyne! You have
So true, Gwyne! You have already learned this important lesson that sadly, too many don't learn even in a lifetime! Way to be a positive agent!
Dear Gwyneth, You are the
Dear Gwyneth,
You are the most mature, insightful, sensitive, articulate eighth grader that I have seen. Your essay was beautiful. You're a beacon of light for acceptance which pierces the black hatred and homophobia typical of so many American schools.
Keep your passion and fire, because you will still need it when you get older. Unfortunately, it is not only children that are mean to each other. Adults can be just as nasty.
I learned that the hard way. See, I'm 26 years old, and I attend graduate school with people that range in age from early twenties to sixties. Some of these students have made it a very hostile environment for an openly lesbian classmate of mine. It started out as snickering and comments to other classmates regarding her openness and has progressed to flatly telling her that "everyone else has a problem with [you being a lesbian]". Frankly, I'm surprised that they haven't started in on me as well, considering the fact that I'm bisexual.
This just proves that while many things have changed during my lifetime, there's still a lot more ground to cover. I pray that kids like you, who have the courage to speak up, will help mold a more fair and accepting generation than mine.
God bless and good luck,
Rachael
I go to high school at
I go to high school at Lutheran North in St. Louis and want to say how inspired I was by this story. Because of the conservative area I'm in, I don't see many gay-positive things, and didn't know anyone else participating in DoS. My school even said we'd be punished if we did it. Your story means so much - knowing there are supportive people in this area gives me hope. :)
Gwen, wonderful insight!
Gwen, wonderful insight! Thank you for sharing your thoughts; definitely going to pass this along. :) Thanks!
Perhaps we can all agree
Perhaps we can all agree that, as teachers, among the best moments are those where we open our minds and learn from our students. Thanks, Gwyne.
You rock, Gwyneth! Anyone at
You rock, Gwyneth! Anyone at any time can challenge the Culture of Cruelty. And when we do, we strengthen our vision of a community where every students is treated with respect all the time. btw, I just gave you a shout-out and posted your article on our FB anti-bullying forum Cruel's Not Cool!
This is a great piece! Great
This is a great piece! Great job, Gwyne!
Your essay shows how
Your essay shows how introspective and empathetic a middle-schooler can be. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and for the courage to speak up to anti-LGBT attitudes.
You rock Gwyneth! We have
You rock Gwyneth! We have been talking about these same issues in my classroom this year. I plan to share your essay with my students. Not only is it a great piece of writing, but your message will mean so much to my 8th graders coming from one of their own. Keep up the good work and remember that one person can make a difference - in fact, you already have. :-)