Printer-friendly versionEvery year our school conducts what has come to be known as “The Bully Poll.” Teaching Tolerance also offers an activity to open the discussion about bullying. Our poll is an anonymous questionnaire that enables the students to answer questions openly and honestly about incidents of bullying in our school. Where does bullying most often occur? What do you think about the way in which the school handles bullying? Who is the biggest bully?
Ironically, this year the biggest bully in the sixth grade turned out to be the smallest student.
Zachary is a small, defensive, street-smart kid with a huge chip on his shoulder. His bullying is not overt or blatant. It’s rather sly, quiet and done with a smile. He pokes people. He mocks people. He whispers insults and threats just out of earshot of the teacher and strikes fear with the simplest of looks or tiniest of gestures. He starts rumors about people and causes fights between other people.
He is a pot stirrer; he stirs up that pot, stands back watching what bubbles to the surface. Zach enjoys the chaos he creates. Parents call the school regularly to report him, or complain about him or have their child moved away from him. He is the epitome of a bully and the truth is; he thinks it’s funny.
Then one day he arrived at my classroom with tears pooled in his eyes, dangerously close to cascading down his cheeks. Initially, I was confused. Zach usually makes people cry, not the other way around. And the reason for the tears did not come easily. After some careful questioning, gentle prodding and overall tooth pulling, the story came tumbling out in a burst of disjointed sobbing and barely concealed rage. It seemed the bully had been bullied.
Zach had reached down to retrieve a pencil that had rolled off his desk when he inadvertently banged heads with another boy on the same mission. This resulted in the rest of the boys in class accusing Zach of having kissed Eric, the other boy. They would walk by him in the hallway and shoot questions at him like, “Hey Zach, are you going to make out with Eric again today?” They taunted him and called him “gay” and “homo” in school and online for almost a week before he finally landed in my classroom with eyes pleading for me to help him. His defiant stance implied he was sure I wouldn’t.
After he spilled the story to me, Zach began to offer a litany of reasons as to why he knew the school wasn’t going to do anything about this. Because he’s black. Because he fails his classes. Because the teachers don’t like him. All of these excuses led him toward his ultimate perception; he believed the school wouldn’t care if he was being bullied because he is a bully.
I assured him, more than once, that I would help him. I would handle it in the same way I would handle any other case of bullying and that the other boys would be punished in the same manner he had been punished multiple times before. But before I did that, I had to ask a favor from him. I asked him to stand there for a minute and think about the way this had made him feel, way deep down inside. The tears pooled back up and spilled over. The nod was barely perceptible, the whisper almost inaudible, “It feels really bad.”
Then I asked him to remember it. Always.
Spain is a middle school language arts teacher in New Jersey.
Comments
As I personally re-enter the
As I personally re-enter the schools this year as a substitute teacher, I now notice bullying in a way I did not as a student. Zach is an excellent example - it sometimes doesn't seem "bullying", but often little comments, pranks, and snickers add up. Just yesterday I witnessed one of these incidences that as a stand alone event would not have been a big deal. But I could tell it was a repeat offense, and it put a lot of strain on the student at the butt-end of the joke. He did not take it lightly and was definitely a bad start to his day.
Anybody who says bullying is just a part of life does not understand the mind set of children. Their social structure and school experience is a huge part of their life. When something in that system is broken, it can have potentially devastating effects. Just this morning I came across this story: http://digg.com/news/offbeat/after_years_of_bullying_a_gay_teen_ends_his_own_life
Two things came out of this
Two things came out of this article for me. One, bullying is not always violence and the bulier is not always the biggest guy and two, anybody can be bullied. We always think of the bully being big and want to pick on the little kids and fight them. That is not always the case. Starting rumors and taking behind other's back is bullying. Also, anyone can be a bully and anyone can be bullied. This story proves it. I thought the teacher handled the situation wonderfully. Good Job!
What attracted me to this
What attracted me to this article was the part that said the school has a program about bullying, “The Bully Poll.” That’s a very interesting way to address bullying. Most schools have nothing to educate students about bullying. They have programs about everything else under the sun, except for probably the most important and most popular problem. The movie “cyberbullying” is a perfect example of being bullied and schools being able to nothing about it. The mother went to the principal and he pretty much told her there was nothing he could do. She then went higher up and they too said there were more important issues to be dealt with. In my school if you were being bullied over the internet and you brought in AIM or other instant messages or conversations to the principal, she would bring them into her office and they would be talked to about the situation, and sometimes she would make us both talk about it and resolve the conflict.
See most people when they
See most people when they hear the word “bully” they automatically assume big, tall, mean, etc. They don’t ever stop to think that maybe it could be the outsider of the group. For example “Zachary is a small, defensive, street-smart kid with a huge chip on his shoulder. His bullying is not overt or blatant. It’s rather sly, quiet and done with a smile. He pokes people. He mocks people. He whispers insults and threats just out of earshot of the teacher and strikes fear with the simplest of looks or tiniest of gestures. He starts rumors about people and causes fights between other people.” Zach the small kid that no one suspects to be the bully in the end starts it all. I guess people don’t ever find out the core of what’s really happening, they don’t consider the possibilities of what’s going on at home.
As bad as I feel or Zach I
As bad as I feel or Zach I think that when he was getting picked on was a way for him to realize that what he thought was fun was hurting the other kids and that he shouldn't do that. I think that the other boys may have only taunted him as much as they did because of how much he taunts all of them. It is a sad realization but, until a bully gets bullied to tears they most of the time are unable to understand and relate to what they are actually doing to the other kids around them.