Closing the Gossip Pipeline

Today somebody vomited in fourth-period study hall. Before the period had ended, kids in my study hall already knew about it. On my way to fifth-period class, every kid I passed in the crowded hallway was talking about it.

Webster’s dictionary defines gossip as “a report about the behavior of other people.” In my school, gossip is the pipeline through which all sorts of misinformation, lies, and occasional truths get exchanged.

Sometimes gossip is innocent. I recently joked about giving a toy to Peter, a student in another class. Twenty seconds after the bell, Peter was in my room asking me for the toy.

“I just said it a minute ago,” I exclaimed. “How could you have heard that so quickly?”

“Frank told me,” Peter said nonchalantly.

My comment was so innocuous that it didn’t seem gossip-worthy. Fortunately, no one’s feelings were at stake, and what Frank told Peter was accurate. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case.

In a very different scenario, Caroline was afraid to walk alone in the halls because a girl she barely knew had threatened to beat her up. I asked Caroline if the girl had indeed threatened her.

“Well she didn’t threaten me directly,” Caroline said. “But a bunch of people told me that if she sees me, she’s going to beat me up.”

With Caroline’s approval, I approached the girl in question and asked her if there was any truth to what Caroline had been told.

“I only said that because so many people told me she was making fun of me,” the girl said. “So I said if I saw her do it, I would fight her.”

By going to the source, I was able to diffuse the situation. I reminded both girls to be careful about believing what other people say without proof. Everyone is entitled to share opinions and feelings with people they trust. But when someone shares information about someone else, it becomes gossip.

As educators, gossip is one of those areas in which we should walk our talk. Early in the year, students asked me if I was one of those teachers who talks badly about her students. In their experience, adults weren’t much better than kids at avoiding gossip. I tend to agree.

It’s much easier to believe what other people say than to question the source of the information. Going to the source can be daunting, both for kids and adults. Unfortunately, believing others, even when they mean well, creates a game of telephone in which trouble is inevitable.

Teaching kids to question the source is a valuable tool for personal development. As idealistic as this sounds, our country could never have become the land of the free had our ancestors blindly accepted everything they had been told.

We can’t always protect kids from the gossip bully, especially because they won’t always tell an adult when they’re being bullied by gossip. This is why questioning the source should be one of the first lessons we teach our children. Perhaps then, the road through adolescence could be a little less bumpy.

Sofen is a middle school writing teacher in New Jersey.