Get Past the Discomfort, Discuss LGBT Issues

I work as an instructional coach at a large, diverse and underperforming urban public elementary school. Our students are at-risk. Families are struggling with stress and trauma. Teachers work mightily to close the achievement gap. So as I left a third-grade classroom the other day after a check-in with the teacher, I wasn’t surprised when she said, “Wait, can I ask you one more thing?”

“Sure, of course,” I replied. Usually teachers want help with instructional planning or student assessment. This question was different.

“Are you gay?” she wanted to know.

"I am gay. I'm so glad you felt comfortable to ask," I replied. 

"I thought so," she exclaimed. “I’m not, and I need help.  I think one of my students might be gay, and I have no idea what to do.”

We had a candid conversation about some things the teacher noticed. She doesn’t know if the student thinks of himself as gay, or if he is gay at all. She isn’t sure how—or if at all—she wants to approach the student’s family, whose culture is not one that is historically very open to anything but the most traditional of gender norms and sexual orientation. She is aware of her own perspective and the voice she brings to the conversation. She is also sensitive about how a straight, white woman’s concern about a brown, potentially gay, male student might be misinterpreted. And she wanted help.

Our school is smack dab in the middle of San Francisco, mere blocks from the historically-queer Castro neighborhood. Our city is known for its tolerant, inclusive, supportive mindset—yet, we can always do more. Talking about LGBT issues with students, especially at the elementary level, can be daunting. Many educators just don’t know how to do it. University-level credential programs that prepare teachers for the classroom rarely, if at all, cover this topic. Even here in San Francisco, relevant professional development for educators is hard to come by. Some teachers—and other adults, for that matter—don’t know how to talk about LGBT topics without talking about sex, and perceive the very definition of an LGBT person to be rooted solely in that person’s choice of sexual partners. Who wants to talk about sex with third-graders? No one.

She and I talked instead about creating a classroom environment--and a school--that embraces family diversity and avoids gender stereotyping, name-calling and bullying. A number of groups support this approach, including an offshoot of the Human Rights Campaign known as the Welcoming Schools project [2]. Their website focuses on supporting K-5 students and offers online resources for teachers, parents, and other adults at all steps in the process of creating inclusive schools and communities.

Our school still has a long way to go in supporting LGBT youth and families. Knowing that we have teachers who, despite all that takes their time and attention as professionals in a school like ours, always make time to love and support their students and aren’t afraid to ask questions, feels like a strong foundation.

Kotleba is an instructional reform facilitator in California.