Loel and Anna Solomon, both 41, live in Alameda, Calif., and are the parents of two children. Both work in the public health industry and grew up in what they describe as progressive Jewish families in Southern California where respect for other backgrounds, cultures and lifestyles was an important value. They believe those values now play a key role in how they raise their own children, especially their 8-year-old son, Eli, whom they describe as a boy who "doesn't fit the typical gender mold."
"Eli has a very strong interest in imaginary play acting. He does not like sports, as many of the boys in his class do, and most of his friends are girls," Loel says. "He's also very, very tall and big for his age, and on top of that, he is a Jewish kid in a not very Jewish community. Those things have been alienating for him in many ways."
For Eli, the alienation started early. "He was mercilessly teased in kindergarten for wearing purple socks to school. The kids told him, 'Purple socks are for girls,'" Anna says. "That was a big wake-up call for me, because we have always raised our son and daughter to have both the doll house and the truck. We've been careful not to limit our kids with gender stereotypes, but that also can make them vulnerable to ridicule."
In addition, both parents say they are careful to use language that doesn't assume heterosexuality when talking about their children's futures, which they admit sometimes raises the eyebrows of other parents. "The kids know from how we have framed the possibilities that they have a chance of loving a man or a woman, and we would be happy for them either way," says Loel.
Aside from facing ridicule for not fitting the typical boy mold, Eli also experienced the sting of alienation because of his Jewish heritage. One day he arrived to find an 18-inch swastika painted across the mural in front of his school.
"He knew what a swastika was," Anna says. "It was a hurtful experience for him. He kept asking, 'Who would do that?'"
Anna describes the swastika incident as an important lesson for their family. "We learned how hard it can be to deal with the school on an issue like this; there were those who told us it wasn't a big deal," she says. "We also learned that you can't always protect your kids from hate, no matter how hard you try. That's why it's so important to talk to them about it, to prepare them for it if it happens."
