Printer-friendly versionWhile I share some aspects of my life with my students, one thing I don’t share is that I was born Jewish. I am ashamed of my shame, knowing that Jews, like many religious groups, have suffered because of their beliefs. My shame comes from growing up in a community that seemed to typify every negative stereotype about Jews. It also stems from being silent for years whenever someone made an anti-Semitic comment.
There isn’t much religious diversity at our school. The overwhelming majority of students and staff practice some form of Christianity. There are a couple of Muslims, a handful of Jews and that’s about it. Like many school districts, ours is only closed on Christian holidays. There are holiday decorations up in classrooms, but they only represent Christmas.
If I harbored any doubts about how some people felt about Jews, they were quickly confirmed the other day. Walking down the hallway, I overheard one student say to another in wide-eyed shock, “I had no idea you were Jewish.” And there it was, that disdainful tone that still makes my skin crawl.
Perhaps I should have kept walking. I certainly considered it. Instead, I gathered all my courage and said, “So am I.” My dirty little secret was out of the bag, and there would be no turning back.
News travels fast in our school, and it wasn’t long before a cluster of students entered the classroom saying, “Ms. Sofen, you’re Jewish?” as if I had kept my true identity hidden from them all this time.
It’s really nobody’s business what I practice, observe or believe. But here was a teachable moment, and I’m allergic to ignoring those.
“Both of my parents were Jewish,” I told them. “I don’t practice, but I used to be really ashamed of being Jewish.” Of course they wanted to know why. Middle school kids understand shame pretty well.
“There are a lot of people who hate Jews,” I told them, reminding them of when we discussed the Holocaust and Oskar Schindler. “I was embarrassed to be identified with a group that so many people hate,” I confessed.
Their eyes were wide and kind, and then they smiled. “We don’t hate you, Ms. Sofen. We don’t care what you are.” Part of me knew they would say that, but part of me was also relieved.
Sometimes we need to teach tolerance to ourselves before we can teach it to others.
Sofen is a middle school writing teacher in Sparta, N.J.
Comments
Greetings, Ms. Sofen, and
Greetings, Ms. Sofen, and Happy Chanukah!
You know, it's really so seldom that I participate in Internet discussions of this kind. I only came upon your post by serendipity: I was reading the Wikipedia entry on Kwanzza, and somehow clicked on a reference link, which brought me to the SPLC website, where I saw your post. So perhaps it is bershert (Yiddish for "fate") that is at work here.
I'm sorry to hear that you have such conflict about your Jewish faith. I think you may be unfair to assume that others may dislike you if they knew of it. While antisemites will never be scarce, I do feel that there is now greater respect and tolerance for Jews in mainstream American life. This would include Christians, who after 2,000 years have at last come to acknowledge their Jewish roots, and members of the secular community, who understand the influence of Jewish ideas in Western civilization (yes, the Ten Commandments are a product of Judaism).
Like many Jewish boys in my Queens neighborhood, I couldn't see why my parents made me go to Hebrew school on Sunday mornings, when all the other kids were out playing baseball. But I now see my Jewish education--and no, I'm not all that religious--as central to my understanding of the world. It's also invaluable in answering the questions of non-Jews, who are genuinely curious about our beliefs and practices, and frankly, to respond to the arguments of religious extremists, who often have no understanding of Scriptual context at all.
Maybe it's time for you to find out more. I suspect you won't want to approach Judaism by a strictly "religious" road, and that's fine, because there are many other ways to go about it. In contrast to Christianity, whose practice requires the acceptance of dogma and creed, Judaism is a complex belief system that requires only a spiritual quest and an open heart and mind.
Here are some books to get you started. "L'Chaim, A Celebration of Jewish Living and Thinking," by Harold Kushner, and "Jewish Literacy," by Andrew Telushkin.
Robert, I appreciate your
Robert, I appreciate your wisdom, and in the spirit of the warrior, will read the books you recommended. It's a tricky thing, shame, even trickier is feeling ashamed of my shame. I hope one day to stand proud of who I am and where I come from. A spiritual quest, open heart, and open mind are worthy tools in this pursuit. Thank you for reminding me that the journey can be a joyful one.
Hello again, Laura. It's been
Hello again, Laura. It's been a while, so I thought I'd check in and see how things are working out for you. Did you get a chance to sample either of the books I recommended? (And by the way, the author of "Jewish Literacy" is JOSEPH Telushkin, not Andrew...Sorry.)
Kindest regards, Bob Garfield
PS--I'm sure you are aware of the pivotal role American Jews played in the civil rights struggles of the 20th century. I recently re-read the classic novel, "Native Son," and was most impressed to see the respect paid to Jews by its author, Richard Wright, who portrays Boris Max, the attorney who defends Bigger Thomas, as a Jew.
I cannot imagine going
I cannot imagine going through life like Ms. Sofen that made a decision earlier in her life to keep her identity to herself. Understand, I am not judgemental. Perhaps Ms. Sofen missed out on an awful lot of wonderful experiences. I changed careers seven years ago and began teaching U.S. History at Bishop Lynch High School. I never mentioned my religious views to my students, however, I suspect some figured it out. I was not hiding it, nor was I wearing my Judaism on my sleeve. Because I am a Catholic educator, I was asked to particpate in "Bearing Witness" in Washington, D.C., sponsored jointly by the ADL, the Archdiocese of Washington and the NCEA. Subsequently, I initiated a Holocaust Studies semester elective at our school. We teach two sections per semester, about 100 students a year. Lastly, when reading your story, Ms. Sofen, I was recalling a wonderful film that I recommend, if you never saw it, "Gentlemen's Agreement," starring Gregory Peck. If you haven't seen this movie, it will change your life.
Dear Ms. Sofen, I converted
Dear Ms. Sofen,
I converted to Judaism just after my son was born. My father and step-mother are devout Catholics. My mother was raised southern Baptist and now is very involved in her non-denominational Christian church. Yet, my son received Chanukah cards and gifts from all my parents. Most of my family and friends have supported me in my choice to live a Jewish life.
It is the Jewish people I meet who have said to me, "Why on earth would anyone CHOOSE to be Jewish?!" I understand it. Given the cultural context, it is like someone choosing to be gay, or black, or female. People just cannot comprehend anyone deliberately associating with a group that has been widely marginalized. But going to Shabbat services on Friday night and Saturday mornings, I feel at peace. Studying Hebrew and Torah, I feel at home. Jewish life somehow just makes sense to me in a way that the Christian world never did. I am proud to be Jewish.
That being said, when people come up to my baby boy at a restaurant and ask, "Are you ready for Santa Clause?" I just smile indulgently. I will purchase Christmas gifts for my nieces so as not to disappoint them. My son hears the Declaration of Faith at his evangelical daycare every morning. Down the road, I expect a lot of questions about why his cousins get chocolate Easter bunnies, but he doesn't. I plan to pick my battles and emphasize that differences are what make people special. Hopefully, he will use any difficulties he may have to develop his sense of empathy, to galvanize him to action if he sees someone else being picked on for being different.
But it will always be a struggle carve out our Jewish identity in a predominantly Christian world, particularly when the Christians in our life are often more supportive than the Jews. Nevertheless, I hope that someday my son will have the courage to say "I am proud to be Jewish." Having Jewish people in his life who display that courage as you did in "coming out" to your students would certainly help.
Ms. Sofen. Recently, i took a
Ms. Sofen.
Recently, i took a Holocaust class. I am a Junior in High school and for Holocaust days, we want to not simply remember but to express how horrible it was. I am looking up info and I was wondering if you could help. Do you have a journal, pictures, stories? And i Respect you for your courage to stand up to your peers
Sorry, Farrah. I do not have
Sorry, Farrah. I do not have any articles or such. But thanks for you support.
Shalom & Salaam, Farrah there
Shalom & Salaam,
Farrah there are several projects which you can look at to draw inspiration for your own representation of the atrocities that occurred or that you might be able to use directly. Some are specific to the events that occurred during and around WWII known by some as the Holocaust and by others as The Shoah. One thing to consider as you put together your project is that in addition to the many many Jewish people who were killed other groups were targeted as well including the Roma, people with physical disabilities, and the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered community.
US Holocaust Memorial Museum
http://www.ushmm.org/
A collection of resources for students and teachers can be found in their education section online.
Holocaust Collection
http://go.footnote.com/holocaust/
Partnership between the US Holocaust Memorial Museum and the US National Archives to give access to related documents including photography.
Florida Center for Instructional Technology
http://fcit.usf.edu/HOLOCAUST/resource/gallery/gallery.htm
One Million Bones
http://www.onemillionbones.org/
A project being designed for display in Washington DC to raise awareness about the lives lost in genocides around the world.
The Butterfly Project
http://www.hmh.org/ed_butterfly1.shtml
This museum reached out to collect butterflies to remember the Jewish children who were killed drawing inspiration from a poem speaking about the absence of butterflies in the concentration camps.
Paper Clips
http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi2325414169/
This small community decided to collect 6 million paper clips to represent the Jewish lives that were lost, here you will find the trailer to the documentary about it.
For teachers looking for resources in addition to the Teaching Tolerance curricular material on the topic you can also look at:
Facing History and Ourselves
http://www.facinghistory.org/
Red Cross' Exploring Humanitarian Law
http://ehl.redcross.org
If you would like to have books out for your classmates to look at, Art Spiegelman's graphic novel "Maus: A Survivor’s Tale: My Father Bleeds History and Here My Troubles Began" is one that captures the attention of youth quickly.
Ms. Sofen, as a Muslim woman I have chosen of late to wear a head scarf or pins that identify me as Muslim because it has opened doors for questions from strangers on the street about Islam. I find that non-Muslims in my small community have many stereotypes in part because they have not realized that they knew Muslims. There is the nice man at the convince store, or the folks who own the good restaurant, but because many of us choose to hide our identity for fear of negative reactions from our neighbors, and consequently our community members don't realize that we are part of the community as well or people that they can ask questions. Sometimes it is exhausting to be stopped by strangers in the grocery store check out line or at the local coffee house, but I hope that this comparatively small inconvenience on my part can help to alleviate some of the misconceptions about Muslims in America.
For children learning about the Holocaust, the opportunity to know that people they respect are Jewish brings the lessons close to home by adding a human element.
In Peace,
J.
Dear Lauren: I read your
Dear Lauren: I read your statement and the comments you received in response with great interest. However, I was surprised that not one commented on this sentence you wrote: "My shame comes from growing up in a community that seemed to typify every negative stereotype about Jews."
I grew up as the son of Holocuast survivors in a working class neighborhood in NYC that was pretty well integrated for the time and saw multiple races, religions, and ethnic groups living in relative harmony and cooperation. We actually had a sense of community.
Ultimately, I married into a Jewish family that lived in Long Island. They had escaped the shtetls of Russia and the ghettos of New York for suburban life. At first, they listened attentively and I had thought compassionately, as my parents responded to their questions about the Holocaust. It was not too long before I realized that the tragic and intimate details of my parents' struggles had become fodder for demeaning dinner conversation with their social climbing friends. They held my parents in utter contempt and I them. Needless to say, the marriage did not last.
Before the marriage ended, I had occasion to meet one of my former in-laws' cousins who lived in Jerusalem, while visiting mhy own relatives who lived in Kiryat Shmona, a town that sits on the Syrian-Jordanian border.
Continued: On meeting the
Continued:
On meeting the cousin, he asked where my relatives lived. When I told him, he said -- and this is a direct quote: "Why? Aren't they clever?"
I will never forget those words.
Whenever I read about the Abramoffs and Madoffs in the papers, I invariably think to myself that this is how the rest of the world views our people, and that these incidents only serve to reinforce those beliefs. And, I am ashamed.
The only thing I can do about it is to teach my own children well so they grow up to be decent human beings with a sense of ethics, morals, compassion, mutual respect and the knowledge that they belong to the family of man.
I read with interest all of
I read with interest all of the comments and the one that struck me as most terrible was the one about the Jewish in-laws who demeaned their fellow Jews who had survived the Holocaust.
My family of birth is Protestant, not Jewish, although my sister's husband is. I don't see my brother-in-law often as they live quite a distance away, but I know they celebrate both Christmas and Channuakah as well as other religious holidays.
My daughter, an Enlgish major in college, earned a minor in Holocaust Literature at a Catholic University. One presentation she did on clothing during the Holocaust and how it effected survival. Even though she has graduated, she is asked to come back each semester to give that presentation.
Those who wish to know more about Judiasm, especially the Holocaust, can do a web search of the National HOlocaust Museum in Washington, D.C. Most large cities also have Holocaust Museums. I became involved with our local Jewish Community Organization when they led the campaign to restore cuts to our local bus service. This campaign helped restore at least some of the bus lines, so necessary for the blind community in which I work. The more I learn from my brother-in-law, the Holocaust Museum, the Old Testament, and my daughter's study, the more I admire the courage and deep religiosity of Jews of all degrees of religiousness.
Laura, I'm so sorry that
Laura,
I'm so sorry that you were made to feel that way. I am a Christian and though I do not know much, I do know we got what we have from the Jews. I'm proud of that. I study notes of Jewish Scribes and like to know more about Judaism and the original texts of the Scriptures. Our foundation was set as Christianity from the Jewish Religion. One thing I do not understand is this: When a person says they are Jewish, but do not practice the walk of life that it is, are they really Jewish then? Is Judaism a religion or a race? I always have wondered that? Can you shed some light on it? I hear some people say, "Well, I am Catholic", but they don't practice the religion. Therefore, how can they say, "I'm Catholic"? Religion is a choice. Not a race. Not something you are born into. But I wonder if Jews are a religious people just as Christians are or are they a race? If they are a race, then who are Israelites?
Just would like to clear it up in my thinking, if you know the answer. Also, be proud of who you are. I would never hide my Christianity though many hate us and make fun of us. This life is only temporary here. No man's opinion matters to me concerning my beliefs. :)
Laura, I work in a
Laura, I work in a similar setting where there are very few Jewish staff members or students. What I have found is that people go out of their way to be inclusive, respectful and caring about me and my faith. They never forget to wish me well on a holiday and always inquire as to the nature of the celebration. A large number of people also visited me and my family when we had a shiva at our home for a family member. The world has changed since I was young and it has changed (at least in the United States) for the better. Where as I used to keep quiet about my religion, I now feel supported in celebrating it..... I wish the same thing for you! HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Mindy, Jews and Judaism
Mindy,
Jews and Judaism are many things. Perhaps the best description is that of a tribe, with many branches, clans, if you will. As a tribe, we have 'genetic' aspects of identity; ways of doing things, laws, culture(s), and religion. Unlike Christianity, which is a religion of belief, Jews are Jews regardless of belief. Judaism is far more interested in one's behavior than one's beliefs. Jewish laws are designed to foster a constant awareness and commitment to holiness. The laws, the prayers, the holidays, kosher food and on and on seek to make a Jew aware of the holiness of life in all its aspects. They also direct us to social justice, both for other Jews and for the world at large. There were many Jews involved in the Civil Rights movement of the 1950-1960s, many feminists were/are Jews, many of those working for justice in Darfur are Jews, and so on. For every Bernie Madoff in the news, there are many unsung Jews quietly working to better their communities and the world.
As an adult convert (converted in 2001 at age 46) I am grafted onto the tree of Jews and Judaism. I became a Jew through a period of study and a ceremony conducted and witnessed by a rabbi. I committed myself to always stand with and defend Jews and Judaism. I practice some aspects of the religious life of our tribe and not others. I don't like everything that some Jews do. But I am a Jew. So, I would say that the answer to your question is: neither. We aren't a race: there are black Jews, white Jews, East Indian Jews, Middle Eastern Jews, Asian Jews, etc. And we aren't a religion, in the way that most Christians understand that. More like a tribe. The tribe of Israel.
Best wishes for a joyous holiday season.
Sarah Land {Aviva Rechudit}
"I hear some people say,
"I hear some people say, 'Well, I am Catholic', but they don't practice the religion. Therefore, how can they say, 'I'm Catholic'? Religion is a choice. Not a race. Not something you are born into."
As someone raised Catholic, that's hard to explain to a Protestant, but I'll try. (Catholics are Christians too, and we often lump all non-Catholic Christians into the Protestant category, even though it's not always technically correct.)
Jews and Catholics both have long, historic traditions, a language other than English (less so these days for Catholics), a heavy emphasis on ritual and tradition, story-rich cultures that go beyond our main texts (e.g. Talmud, lives of the Saints), and strong identities with our communities. We each have lots of "stuff" in our daily lives as well as in houses of worship -- menorahs and shabbat candles, prayer candles, mezuzahs, holy water fonts, hamsa or Star of David necklaces, crucifix necklaces, Mary statues in the yard, yarmulkes, rosary beads, chalices, Kiddush cups and much, much more.
We also celebrate holidays that others don't, which in the case of Catholics includes the Feast of the Assumption and the Feast of the Immaculate Conception.
We've each been persecuted by groups like the KKK and banned from participation in various parts of American life in the past.* And look at what happened during the JFK election campaign! No one has conspiracy theories about Episcopalians and Lutherans like that. *clearly Jews have had a MUCH more difficult history of persecution, and Catholics have at times been the persecutors.
We even share heavy feelings of guilt!
Jews and Catholics each have cultures that are hard for outsiders to completely understand, especially Protestants who keep worship focused on the Bible and who even keep the decor of their houses of worship very plain.
A non-practicing Catholic may still believe in all the basic tenets of the faith but not attend Mass, go to confession, pray the rosary, fast during Lent, etc. But there are others who no longer believe, but you still feel attached to the culture. I've seen how Catholic belief has influenced how I think and how I interact with the world, even though I left the Church 25 years ago. That's seen a lot in art and literature by Catholic-raised artists.
So you hear jokes about Recovering Catholics and not Recovering Methodists for a reason. It's not something you leave like you leave a club. Irish comedian Dara O'Briain jokes that he's an atheist Catholic, and that even if you join al Qaeda, you're just a "bad Catholic" -- which ain't far from the truth!
For Jews and Catholics, we have special ties to history, tradition and culture. And for Jews, persecutors have never cared if you go to shul or pray. You are a target because of who you are, not what you do/don't do.
Dear Lauren, You wrote, “I
Dear Lauren,
You wrote, “I was embarrassed to be identified with a group that so many people hate.” I am surprised that this statement has not prompted a lot of comment.
What bothers me is that you seem to by buying into the prejudice of others. I understand the feeling you have--I think that this is common, when you are the victim or in the minority. But let's not forget that the ones who should be embarrassed/ashamed are the ones who are behaving intolerantly. You have done nothing to be embarrassed about. You are pushed into a position of feeling ashamed, when you have done nothing shameful.
Your students say, “We don’t hate you, Ms. Sofen. We don’t care what you are.” But this sounds as if they are somehow making an exception for you, rather than understanding that "what you are" is something they should respect and care about. "What you are" is also who you are.
I think that your school really needs to think about its policy of how holidays are celebrated. Obviously, something is wrong, that in 2010, in your school, you were reluctant to acknowledge that you are Jewish. If this is difficult for a teacher, imagine what it must be like for a child!
Thank you for sharing your feelings so honestly.
This article is disturbing to
This article is disturbing to me. My family and I are Jewish and live in the mountains of north Georgia. My daughter is the only Jewish student in her school. Many of Rachel's friends, their parents, her teachers, even her principal attended her bat mitzvah- held at the Presbyterian church where our shul meets once a month. Now a high school junior, she was cast in the lead (Lucia) for "A Shayna Maidel", a play with a very Jewish theme, chosen and directed by two Christian students. It debuted to a full house of mostly teenagers. Only on a few occasions has ignorance reared it's ugly head like when a 2nd grade teacher had Rachel write a letter to Santa Claus. A little education cleared that problem up with no hard feelings.. plus, Rachel wrote: "Dear Santa Claus: Please give my presents to some needy Christian child. My parents are getting me everything I need for Chanukah." Ms. Sofen, please don't be ashamed of your glorious heritage. Revel in it and others will celebrate with you. People mostly hate what they fear and don't understand. By being yourself, you show the world we are all more alike than different.
I agree with "people hate
I agree with "people hate what they fear" As an African American I do not have the luxury to hide my identity. I understand the history of the Jew but it is difficult to say anything related to Jewish people, one is deemed anti-semitic. I believe the the jewish community has come a long way and should look in the mirror, Jews had slaves, they supported jim crow and took advantage of African Americans.I believe that some people do not like Jewish people because they paint themselves as the only victims. People get tired of that.
Stop crying about how people dislike Jews. Teach, share, open up, talk about the Jewish community who supported the Civil Rights movement for example and speak about the Blacks who were also in the nazi camps.
One must share traditions, food, music etc.... If I was to worry about how jewish people feel about me I would kill myself. To end, as a young women I was in love with a Jewish man, his mother told him" you date them you don't marry them" Do I hold that against all Jewish people? Madame Sofen if you are ashamed of your heritage how do you expect others to feel?
"I believe that some people
"I believe that some people do not like Jewish people because they paint themselves as the only victims. People get tired of that. Stop crying about how people dislike Jews." I usually hear that accusation made against African Americans who complain about racism. Why there is a problem with people in any oppressed group getting stuck in victim mode, that doesn't mean that the ongoing oppression isn't painful.
"...it is difficult to say anything related to Jewish people, one is deemed anti-semitic." What are you saying that you get this reaction? Are you disagreeing with someone over politics and Israel, or are you making comments about Jewish people that need more careful examination? I've never had this problem as a non-Jew.
"Jews had slaves, they supported jim crow and took advantage of African Americans." I don't know this side of history well, but as Jews were targeted by white Protestants in the South and were - and still are - much more present in the Northeast than the South, I doubt this can be said as a generalization about most American Jews historically. On top of that, I doubt we had huge Jewish communities before the large influx of Jewish immigrants in the late 19th and early 20th century, many of them fleeing pogroms and other persecution in Europe. So there may have been some terrible things done by some Jews in some places, I bristle at the implication that Jews in America were a major factor in the evil practices you mention.
"f I was to worry about how jewish people feel about me I would kill myself." Wow. What a load of assumptions about what Jewish people feel about you as a Black woman. I've known racist Jews and plenty of racist non-Jews, but I've known far more who are nothing like that.
Your comment seemed to be intended to be supportive, but it certainly rubbed me the wrong way. You contradict yourself quite a bit. Perhaps some of what you perceive as racism may be reaction to a lack of sensitivity on your part.
Our student body, too, is
Our student body, too, is very white and very Christian. I hired a new teacher this summer who converted to Judaism when she married. She did not make it widely known, but was able to share a different perspective when the Holocaust or other historical events were discussed. When a few students in her class learned she was "a Jew", the taunting began. We dealt with it as a disciplinary issue, of course, but ultimately decided that the students were behaving in such a manner out of ignorance...ignorance of what other religions and cultures believed, and also ignorance about the protections that discrimination and harassment laws provide.
We organized a training with our district social worker through the world history classes. All the students take this class and, through the team teaching of the history teacher and the trainer, the students were able to make the connection about world religions and how their behavior can be considered discriminatory and unlawful.
Following the discussions, the teacher received many apologies from the students who were involved in the behaviors. They like the teacher and enjoy her class. They just didn't understand...and now they do.
This is an interesting
This is an interesting commentary, but is only typical of some schools/communities in America. In contrast, many schools (all schools except religious schools for miles around my town) are closed for Jewish holidays and decorate and respect the Jewish holidays. Many areas in America have huge populations of Jewish people; some even have a majority of Jewish people living there and Christians and other religions are the minority. Being Jewish is nothing to be ashamed of or to hide! There are many Jewish people in America and that is a great thing!
Shalom Lauren I just
Shalom Lauren
I just want to comment as an educator in a large urban school system and also a religiosity school judaic studies teacher. In the public sector, I am "cconsidered" by others as a minority: I am also Hispanic/Sephardic and have had many different experiences when people discover my ethnic identity. I stand proud in my beliefs and represent our people proudly. For those who exercise their ignorance or intolerance I do try to share some informationto demystify- for in many instances it is what they have not heard or read or seen personally that forms their disdain or negativity- education is powerful! There is a song by Rabbi Larry Milder- on YouTube - that you should listen to/ watch! It's called wherever you go! I can attest thAt the sound is very true- imagine being in a foreign country on shabbat, not knowing anyone personally , and randomly asking someone where the nearest synagogue/ temple was- only to be embraced and told that the person was also Jewish and would personally escort us to the local shul!
Be proud of the history of the geberations before you who despite all the hardships and acts of intolerance survived to make the Jewish people stronger! Am yisrael chai!!!
Yes I could understand your
Yes I could understand your annoyance it is just like the perception of Afghanistan always being in minds eye of west as being controlled by The Taliban.
I have wondered if perhaps there might be people in afghanistan who want take action sections in news papers to submit articles on global warming ,civic elections, national elections, and creating united nations charter as computer program and same for world constitutions.
To me the perception of aghanistan was the defeat.
There is an article professing literacy to be a problem in Afghanistan among women but I point out the design of news papers in west preclude take action sections.
This comment was interesting
This comment was interesting to me. I was born and raised Jewish in a Christian community and just learned to accept that I would never be off for Jewish holidays and have to make-up or work ahead in school to not affect my grades. Since my father died I have had issues with Judaism's concept of death but I am still a Jew. I now teach middle schoolers, English Language Learners, and finally in my 4th year of discussing my faith with students, around Chanukah, my students have become more accepting. This was the first year I have had students who knew what Chanukah was. I made them latkes and sufganiyot and showed images of Israel and they were very interested. Many of them have learned so much about Holocaust literature and will be reading some for their nonfiction unit. They are very accepting now and when I play chanukah music and ones that are remixes of contemporary tunes that they listen to they can't stop singing them. It is very hard to cross that bridge to be open to criticism of being "different." However, that is what, especially middle schoolers need, in order to become more culturally aware. I hope you can find peace in being a Jew. What I like about Judaism is its focus on philosophy and learning. Deep discussion is what is important and understanding and that is what sets us apart in some ways and I am proud of that.
I feel that I should preface
I feel that I should preface my comments by making clear that I do not intend to cast any aspirations on Mr. Sofen but some of her statements were curious to me. For example, she made a point to mention that school is only closed on Christian holidays and that in her school, only Christmas decorations are displayed. I am curious: why is it a problem that the school, which (if it's like schools in my area) is legally barred from taking more than a certain number of days off school chooses to place its days off to coincide with the holiday that the greatest number of its students celebrate?
With regard to the holiday decorations, moreover, it seems to me that a sense of shame over being Jewish (which, to me, would seem to be a thing to be very proud of) would contribute to the situation, just as Ms. Soften implies. There is no reason that the school would not display a menorah, for example, and perhaps ask Ms. Sofen or another of the Jewish students to light one of the candles on each day of Channukah... unless no one had made the request. I recall from my own experience as a grade-school child that part of Christmas celebrations at my school involved the menorah, candles, and dreidel, not because there were any Jewish students but because one of the students had Jewish grandparents and suggested that the class would enjoy learning about Channukah. And, I might add, us little third-graders had lots of fun including an important Jewish holiday in our Christmas celebrations but if no one had said anything, nothing would have happened. The greatest challenge is sometimes to say something and I am very happy to read that Ms. Sofen eventually DID say something. But oh, for that time spent when fear of rejection, of reaction, of unkindness was too high of a hurdle! I appreciate Ms. Sofen's message that sometimes, we must be a teacher of tolerance to the most stubborn of students: ourselves.
Many years ago when my son
Many years ago when my son and daughter were 10 and 8 years old, repectively, I took them on a trip to Washington, D.C. Since this was a four-day bus tour, we had limited time to visit the various Smithsonian Institution museums, so I had them choose which ones they wanted to see. My son chose the Holocaust Museum. (I should explain that we are Cherokee Indians who practice the traditional Keetoowah ceremonies and lifestyle. My children have confused their teachers and classmates by not fitting into the local racial and religious pidgeon holes of Black/White/Christian/Jewish.) When we got to the Wall of Remembrance at the Holocaust Museum, my son marched right up and began to light a candle. The docent gently stopped him and asked if he knew the meaning of what he was about to do. That was when I learned that he was indeed honoring the memory of the grandparent of one of his classmates. It was this act that had been on his mind since before we had left home.
I read your article on being
I read your article on being Jewish and feeling the shame. I am Native American and considered "heathen" if speaking about a "religion" when in fact it is a highly spiritual culture. I was raised in a small conservative all non-Native town and my brothers and I oftened felt the brunt of shame. Now I teach my grandchildren the meaning of pride in what one is, acknowledge it and respect it,even if you adhere to something else.
Hi Lauren, As I read through
Hi Lauren,
As I read through your piece I felt some identity with you, not because I am Jewish but because I am Lakota. As soon as I read your comment "I am ashamed of my shame, knowing that Jews, like many religious groups, have suffered because of their beliefs," I was struck with how I have often felt. You are so right that shame is a difficult emotion to deal with. I remember there being a time as a child when I had no problems telling my school mates that I was Indian. I got made fun of a lot but heck I got made fun of for lots of other things too so for a while I just took it in stride. As a got older I got less bold about telling people where Grandma and Grandpa lived because I became more aware of the world around me. Interpret I better understood the stereotypes that people had about reservations and the people who lived there. That wasn't me and it wasn't ever going to be me and I certainly didn't want anyone thinking those negative things about me. But over the years, like you, I have been ashamed of my shame. It is a very hard thing to reconcile. Even today as I work at the state level with America Indian Education I am still struggling with my identity. I know who I am and where I came from but I still find myself defending my ancestry--feeling shame about it. It's a long journey that is not an easy one. Kuddos to you for writing this piece! I think you touched on something that affects many people for various reasons.
Carol, thank you for sharing
Carol, thank you for sharing your experience with me. I am sorry that you too have felt ashamed of your shame. However, I do take great comfort in knowing I am not alone, and that others continue to struggle with reconciling who they are.
Good day, Lauren, I read with
Good day, Lauren,
I read with deep interest and occasional tears the thread of reactions and responses. We are very fortunate to live in America where every person has the right to express, or choose not to express their religion or nationality. I was born Jewish, attended Talmud Torah (learned Hebrew and Torah after school two days per week) and took being Jewish for granted. As I grew older, I drifted away from my Jewish roots, and ignored Shabbat, my heritage and the holy days that are so important to being a Jew. And then, as my father grew older and knew he did not have much time left on Earth, he made a statement to me that I shall never forget. He said, "When I die, who shall say Kaddish for me?" I felt ashamed, not just because I had let him down, but also because I had failed to keep my faith that I once had held with esteem. I took it upon myself to relearn Hebrew, to study Torah, and to praise Hashem and ask him daily to bring to our world peace, harmony and respect for every other human being. What I learned in life is to be proud of your heritage, whether Christian, Jew, Muslim or any other religion; to respect the beliefs of other nations and nationalities; and to live my life each day with one goal in mind - to make the world a better place today than it was yesterday. Best wishes, Lauren, in your continued journey through life.
Shalom aleichem
I find this article and the
I find this article and the comments that follow to be so interesting. I believe that we must celebrate who we are and try to teach our children tolerance of all races, religions, cultures and people. Sometimes that can olny be done by the sharing of who we are and what we believe. I had a most unsual experience. On my fathers 70th birthday I discovered my father had librated a "workcamp" during WWII.
On returning to my home in Fl the local Holicaste musuem was asking for stories
I do not understand your
I do not understand your problem? I am Catholic and my best friend for more than 30 years is Jewish. I have read many books about the Holocaust and have great pride for what the survivors have endured; my heart goes out the every Jew in the Holocaust! The Holocaust was a shameful and horrible! Why are you ashamed to be known as a Jew? Why does it bother you to see Christmas decorations? Christmas is an international holiday and because Jews have a problem with "Christ" in Christmas, they won't even say, "Merry Christmas"; instead Happy Holidays. I, as a Catholic do NOT have a problem saying Happy Chanukah! Yet Jews have a problem when there is a Christmas tree in the center of their town and make a commmotion and the tree has to be removed. But do the Catholics say anything about the Star of David displayed at the center of town? No! You should be the one displaying tolerance and acceptance. Christmas is a very special religiouis holiday to many people.
My last comment....I will ask the same question to the person who converted to Judaism along with her young son....WHY???? Were you ashamed to be Catholic?
Shame on you!!!!! Your entire family is Catholic and you decide to be a Jew?
You are really a Catholic...that is what you were born! I feel bad for your young son who is confronted with all his relatives and their Catholic celebrations! He will regret this when he is older!
Jackie, your intolerance is
Jackie, your intolerance is showing....
Let me see if I can explain this to you. You are a Catholic. And while the U.S. is not a "Christian country", it is a secular country, not a theocracy, and it has within it: Christians, including Catholics, Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, atheists, agnostics, people who practice various indigenous spiritual traditions, etc.
It is true that there are a LOT of Christians here, I believe you are in the majority. Which is the problem here. Being in the majority should not give you automatic privileges, and Christians here still enjoy some "unearned privileges" that they presume they deserve, and they expect them and take them for granted.
However, we have protections here to protect the rights of minorities as well. Thank goodness. Otherwise, they would continue to be stepped on by the majority. I think that as human beings we are finally beginning to evolve away from being arrogant, selfish people and we are becoming more "civilized". I hope.
And so, things once taken for granted by the majority are now being challenged by the once oppressed minorities. Things like separation of church and state, which we have always supposedly had but was rarely enforced. The only courtrooms left with the Ten Commandments hovering over everyone are only still housing them because they have not been challenged in court yet. As soon as they are, they will be taken down like all the others have been, as it should be. This is one of many, many examples of unearned privilege. No ones religious laws should be displayed over all others in a public building, let alone a justice building, giving them preference over all others. That is just wrong. And religious things don't belong in government buildings anyway - separation of church and state.
So when the cashier at Wal-mart says "happy holidays" rather than "Merry Christmas" in December, whether they are Jewish or not, it is NOT that they are "bashing" your holiday. NOT EVERYTHING IS ALL ABOUT YOU. It is because that intelligent, non-threatened and thoughtful person is trying to consider EVERYONE, by wishing EVERYONE a wonderful holiday season, without having to ask "What religion are you", a very nosy and rude question, or making any assumptions (which are often wrong and can offend). They are trying to be polite to EVERYONE, because NOT EVERYONE IS A CHRISTIAN!
Why would I say "Merry Christmas" to everyone I meet if I do not have a clue whether or not they celebrate that? There are tons of other ceremonies going on in December. I could say "Happy Chanukah" or "Happy Kwanzaa" or "a merry Yuletide" or "Happy Sostice", etc., etc.
I am not a Christian, but like you, I have no problem saying any of those, including Merry Christmas, to someone when I know what their faith is. And I am sure that neither would the author of this article. I think you missed the point. I don't know anyone, Christian or non-Christian, who "has a problem with Christ in Christmas". That is not the point. The point, again, is that not everyone is Christian.
And as far as having nativity scenes in public, ON GOVERNMENT PROPERTY, as long as there is fair representation of other religious traditions as well, I don't know anyone that has a problem with that. The problem there has usually been that people wanted ONLY a Christian nativity scene, to the exclusion of all others, AND it was on government property. On private property, people can do whatever they want, who cares. Government property is another story. And in my experience, the problem goes away when other traditions are allowed to be represented, respected and included as well. And then it becomes quite a lovely celebration of religious and cultural diversity to be enjoyed by all!
And yes, I have heard of several towns who took BIG issue with a Star of David being displayed, too, so the shoe fits on both feet.
And you said: "Christmas is a very special religiouis holiday to many people." Of course it is. No one has ever said it was not. What was your point there. And Chanakuh is also a very special relpgious holiday to many people. And...?? Both, as well as others, should be respected EQUALLY. Because NEITHER is more important than the other, except to those celebrating each.
And shame, shame on YOU for attacking the woman who converted to Judaism! You had NO right to attack her personally that way, and I am only sorry that I am now replying so late to this thread that you will probably never see it, but I hope others will. Someone needs to stand up here to that!
Perhaps she WAS ashamed of being a Catholic, and if she was, I am sure she had very good reasons. But that is HER business. If you were the representative of Catholicism, I surely would never want to be one.
And your final comments: "Your entire family is Catholic and you decide to be a Jew?
You are really a Catholic...that is what you were born! I feel bad for your young son who is confronted with all his relatives and their Catholic celebrations! He will regret this when he is older!"
Oh my God! Really? Did you really just write all that? On a website about teaching tolerance? Dear God!
And your best friend is Jewish? I wish I could ask her what she thinks about your post here....
I think it is shameful. And this woman you spoke so condescendingly to, she is obviously NOT a Catholic anymore, as she obviously chose Judaism over Catholicism. She was not "born" a Catholic. She was born a human being with a brain and God-given free will, or would you argue with that? I do not feel bad at all for her young son, as he will be taught a beautiful tradition. If his relatives look down upon him, feel sorry for him or feel repulsed by him as you seem to suggest they will, that just tells me more about YOUR idea of what being a Catholic is all about. Is that how you, as a Catholic, would respond? Well, that was a stupid question, I can see here what you think of Judaism or any Catholic who would have the nerve to choose to convert to it. I doubt seriously that he will regret his mother's conversion when he gets older. I imagine he will be very grateful for it.
I am SO glad that you are NOT the representative for the Catholic religion. I am not a Catholic, or Jewish, btw. But I know many wonderful Catholics, AND Jews, AND Muslims, and they are all able to show respect for one another. So please do not think I am showing disrespect here for the Catholic faith. It is your statements (and not necessarily you, either, but your statements) that I have no respect for at the moment. I hope they soften in the future.
Lianna - You are AWESOME!!!
Lianna - You are AWESOME!!! Been having some "religious tolerance" issues with my child's public school teacher, googled how others have dealt with it and came across this article. I scrolled through the "Jackie" post (typical attitude in our area)and got pissed. When I saw your response, it just reminded me that there are respectful, thoughtful, empathetic human beings out there. Thank you so much for a wonderfully intelligent reply!!!
Its amazing how many people are ignorant about and don't understand the principles on which the United States of America was founded.
Early America.com regarding the US Constution:
"If indeed our Framers had aimed to found a Christian republic, it would seem highly unlikely that they would have forgotten to leave out their Christian intentions in the Supreme law of the land. In fact, nowhere in the Constitution do we have a single mention of Christianity, God, Jesus, or any Supreme Being. There occurs only two references to religion and they both use exclusionary wording. The 1st Amendment's says, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion. . ." and in Article VI, Section 3, ". . . no religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office or public trust under the United States."
Thomas Jefferson interpreted the 1st Amendment in his famous letter to the Danbury Baptist Association in January 1, 1802:
"I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should 'make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof,' thus building a wall of separation between church and State.""
Oh, Laura, how I related to
Oh, Laura, how I related to your article! It was the first time I saw in print how I thought and felt...and I was connecting with someone I didn't even know.
I, too, was born and "raised" Jewish, in a town where it seemed like I was the only Jew. I, too, was ashamed, felt very alone, and so distant when it came to discussing or identifying anything that had to do with religion. And, this shame does not leave us easily, even as we grow older and mature, because it was taught to us at such an early age, during our developing years.
One of my earliest memories (in first grade,as a child in the 60's) was making Christmas cards at school, and I wanted to make a Chanukkah card...but I didn't know how to spell it. The teacher ended up sending me to the principal's office for the spelling; I only remember the humiliation and being "different" even then. At that time, kids were sent to the principal's office when they were in trouble; even though I knew I wasn't in trouble, it did not feel good to be sent there. The principal, trying to help, told me to spell it as "Hanukkah", which confused me because at home, we had a sign that read "Happy Chanukkah"...and I knew it started with a "C". This was my first "outing" of my religion in school; and maybe, it influenced me to become a teacher, to be accepting of all of my students, their backgrounds, and their feelings.
As I grew up, things didn't change within the community I lived in. I don't think anyone understood your statement about the "disdainful tone" or what sounds judgemental when someone says, "Oh, you're Jewish?" I experience that even today, and I'm more comfortable in telling others that I was raised Jewish.
Today, I realize it is more of their problem than mine...but it still amazes me when the question is said because I don't know what is so surprising about it; do I not fit the stereotype others have?
In the 80's, I married someone who was not Jewish. At that point in my life, I didn't even question not being accepted into my spouse's family. But I learned that his family did not tell his grandfather, who was 97, that I was Jewish; they didn't want to upset him. At that point, I realized, yes, I was a bit more comfortable with who I was...but others weren't.
I still somewhat remain a "closet" Jew, although I am more comfortable in telling others I was "raised" Jewish, especially when I teach a unit on the Holocaust. But I realize I am not completely comfortable, since I do not practice the Jewish religion. I have my belief in God, but do not practice any religion. I learned, early on in my childhood, that religions, to me, separate people instead of bringing them together.
I thank you for your article and for helping me identify with a lot of thoughts and feelings that I have not ever heard from someone else. I found lots of comfort in your words; finally, someone else knew what it was like to be raised Jewish in a world that has not always been accepting, even though we've come a long way.
Great article and so true. I
Great article and so true. I was actually brought up to be very proud of my Jewish identity, and though I didn't always attend a Jewish school, I was lucky to not have to hide my identity or be ashamed of it. There was no blatant anti-semitism where I lived.
Now, as a teacher, and working in a very small community, I can understand how you felt. There are students making comments and "jokes" all the time about Jews. Even though I never thought I would have to hide my identity, I did hide it until I knew the students had time to get to know me as a person, and liked me.
When I did share my religion, everyone was shocked. I am very grateful that I know enough about my background to share information with the students when they ask why I do certain things related to my religion. I'm proud to tell them that I'm a proud Jew, and that I don't feel a need to change or be shy about my strong roots.
The best advice I could give anyone in a similar situation is to learn about your culture, religion and roots, so you can be proud of where you come from, and share it with others.
I LOVE THAT THIS TEACHER HAD
I LOVE THAT THIS TEACHER HAD THE COURAGE TO SHARE HER SELF WITH THE STUDENTS BUT I FEEL THAT THE CHILDREN SHOULD HAVE BEEN TOUGHT ABOUT DIFFERENT COULTERS AND RELIGIUS HOLIDAYS MUCH SOONER. ALSO I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW PEOPLE CAN HATE JEWS BUT LOVE JESUS. HELLO!!! JESUS WAS A JEW!!! AND ALL OF THE MESSAGES GET SHARED WERE FUNDAMENTAL JEWISH BELIEFS. SO WHY NOT SHARE THAT INFORMATION WHEN CELABRATING CHRISTMAS AT SCHOOL USE THAT INFO AS A WAY TO TEACH A MESSAGE.
As the descendant of a
As the descendant of a Holocaust survivor who was put into a concentration camp for hiding Jewish children, I am sorry to hear that Jewish people still feel so intimidated by our world. Perhaps I am ignorant to these comments because I am so proud that my Christian grandfather was heroic enough to aide in saving the Jewish people in Holland in the 1930s and 40s. Be proud of your heritage; there are many people who sacrificed so that you would have the freedom to be proud.
My husband and I converted
My husband and I converted over fifteen years ago. We tried so hard to be good Christians only to always come away lacking. We fell into Judaism quite by accident when I did an essay in college called "Who I am". (I returned to complete my education after I had had nine children and was homeschooling them.)
There are no other Jews in this area. None. But, for us, we had found 'home'.
How did everyone take it when we mentioned one day that we had converted? Siblings told me we couldn't become Jewish. Three still have nothing to do with me. Christian friends tried to force us to 'come to our senses'. The pastor went so far as to tell our children we would never go to heaven. We were outcasts to everyone as the word spread. That was only four years after we felt we could safely tell others. Things only got worse.
We stopped telling anyone anything. We chose not to say anything when well wishers said Merry Christmas. We avoided any Christian holidays. We made excuses for not being present when we had our holy days. We practiced our lives in complete secret.
We missed helping others and our youngest daughter had chose to convert on her own. In time, we decided to volunteer where nobody knew us; at our local national park. We did the no answer for Christmas and did our best to avoid telling anyone we were Jewish. All that changed three months ago when we were chosen as the 'volunteer family' for the year. The dreaded secret had to come out since we couldn't be present for the honor.
What is the outcome? The rangers cannot make any remarks and most have accepted it with the usual, "I wish I had known before". But the other volunteers are a different story. They have circled the wagons and are prepared to do anything to get us back into the fold.
We did Holiday Open House where I did natural dolls. Every person had to wish us Merry Christmas. Even the ones that had just said, "I didn't know you were Jewish!" We're approaching Passover and it seems the volunteers are circling the wagon again. We has never been asked to anyone's house before for Easter, but now we have half a dozen invitations. Our youngest daughter was repeatedly asked what she would get for Christmas, or, "Didn't she miss having Christma?"
We have answered all the Jewish questions we can, only to have more waiting the next time we meet another volunteer. I feel I'm on the defense all the time. I, personally, did not kill their Jesus. I can only wonder where do these crazy questions they ask come from?
It is because we love our G-d so much that we have remained true to our belief. And strangely enough, that is the one thing everyone has been surprised about. We hear, "You believe in G_d???????", all the time.
It is very sad that many of the Christians here think we don't believe there is only one G_d.