For the second week in a row, I was left partnerless in my graduate class. It was my own fault, I guess. I didn’t feel like moving. As I scanned the room, no one made eye contact with me or motioned toward me. It was clear that I would have to make the first move to ask to be included in a group—and, after a day filled with hundreds of tiny setbacks, I just didn’t feel like it.
So I hunkered down and did the activity on my own. I decided that I didn’t need a partner. When it was time to share, I excused myself and went to the restroom. As I lingered over washing my hands, I realized that I was engaging in classic avoidance behaviors. In just four hours, I had turned from teacher to avoider.
And it forced me to confront a reality in my classroom. How often does this happen to students? When I explain a partner activity, I often see students make eye contact around the room, their faces lighting up as they communicate an invitation and acceptance without saying a word. However, some students take a sudden interest in studying the pattern on the floor. Like me, these students may just not have the emotional energy to expend on finding a partner.
I moved from engagement to avoidance in just two short weeks. Months of not having a partner build up some formidable avoidance techniques in students. In our classrooms, though, we can use some easy methods to help our students on the fringes to negotiate classroom partnerships.
Assign partners: I’ve started assigning partners for academic tasks. These “brain buddies” work together on a number of classroom activities. When it comes time to work together, students can quickly and easily find their partners, and no one has to avoid the task for lack of a partner.
Chart friendship patterns: This can be done easily with a sociogram. I tell my students to write down the names of three people in the classroom that they would like to work with on a project. Then, I create a confidential map that represents the choices of students. Students who don’t have many incoming arrows are more likely to be excluded in partner activities. When there are opportunities for students to choose partners, I often seek out these students and help them to join a group.
Model invitation: Often, the students who have many secure friendships don’t think to invite others to join them. I help them to practice inviting others to join their group. We talk about how students who don’t have partners may be sitting by themselves or looking at the floor, so that making an invitation often requires a concerted effort. In each class, I usually have several empathetic students who quickly learn how to read their classmates and make friendly invitations.
Practice responses to partnering: No one wants to see their assigned partner make a face at the prospect of working together. Before I read off assigned groups, we practice making positive comments about our partners. “Andrea, you’re working with the Swamp Monster today,” I’ll say. Andrea will smile and try to come up with something positive to say about her partner. Using monster names gets everyone giggling and focused on noticing the positive. One day Cindy said, “Oh, good. I bet he can teach me some interesting things about the swamp.”
Whether purposeful or accidental, exclusion hurts. By assigning partners or helping students to choose partners, I can help students to stay focused on a task and avoid avoidance.
Kissner is a fourth-grade teacher in Pennsylvania.
