Printer-friendly versionIn the fourth grade, my teacher, Mrs. King, designed an exercise that banned “good” as an adjective from the classroom.
No longer could we respond to “How was your day?” with the stock answer “good.” Also, “good” could no longer be used to describe a book or a lunch meal.
In proper celebration, each of the roughly 30 students penciled the letters G-O-O-D on lined paper and folded their work. We put all the “goods” in a box and sent them on “vacation.” The result: We all flexed our brain muscles and put into practice new adjectives—ones that specifically addressed what we wanted to say.
Perhaps laziness fostered our overreliance on the word. Perhaps we lacked the thoughtfulness to offer a truly meaningful answer. Or maybe no one had challenged us to think concretely and in other terms.
But once we all had bid adieu to our fair friend “good,” the vastness of language took on a new form.
So our lunch was “filling” or “delicious” or “marginal.” Our days morphed into “spectacular,” “fun,” “exhausting” and “challenging.” We had learned to really say what we meant rather than offer some vague reference.
I remembered this after reading a comment recently on the Teaching Tolerance Facebook page about the phrase “that’s so gay.” It’s a flip phrase that means a variety of things. Teaching Tolerance has already done a great lesson on “that’s so gay.” But I wondered if Mrs. King’s approach to the phrase might also be helpful.
While we’d rather kids practice kindness and not make personal comments about others, we understand that sometimes they may not like or agree with something. In those instances, we encourage clear communication that cannot come from a flippant phrase.
I’d like to start the list and invite others to send suggestions so we get a powerful list of phrases that will say what we really mean without with offending anyone.
So let’s see…
“That’s so out of date because...”
“That doesn’t make sense to me, I was thinking...”
“I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.”
“That’s so out of the scope of reality.”
“That’s absurd.”
“That’s unfair because….”
The Ad Council of America and the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) launched an ad campaign, “Think Before You Speak.” The ads challenges people to consider how hurtful their language can be when the identity of someone is used as an insult. The ads featured Hilary Duff and comedian Wanda Sykes.
A visit to the website www.thinkb4youspeak.com reveals there is a lot of work to do to stamp out LGBT slurs, especially on social media outlets like Twitter.
But it can be done. It must be done in fairness.
What suggestions do you have?
Williamson is associate editor at Teaching Tolerance.
Comments
We have to start when kids
We have to start when kids are young and not be afraid to call them on these references. Oftentimes, they aren't even thinking about what they are saying and the term "gay" as used in a derogatory sense is just another slang word that they use out of habit. This doesn't make it right and unless we call attention to how offensive it is, will continue to be a habit! As a caring adult who wants my children and others to treat all human beings with respect, I feel I have a responsibility to point it out when I hear this word being thrown around in a cavalier and insulting way. I think kids have been desensitized to the term and give little thought to it's meaning and we have an obligation to call attention to why it's unacceptable. My 12 year old used to get really annoyed when I would call him on it but it has disappeared from his list of slang words and we have had good discussions about how hurtful words can be, even unintentionally. The seeds of tolerance have to be planted early in order for them to take root and become an integral part of our society.
Yes, we have to start when
Yes, we have to start when kids are young ... so well said Billie. And we have to keep going. This isn't a lesson learned and checked off the list as life moves on. This is something that all of us need to keep an ear to and continue to voice throughout our daily lives with all the people we come in contact with. In the vein of "Think before you speak" and encouraging clear communication, I always ask people, "What is it you are really feeling?" or "What is it you are trying to say?" In addition, these words tend to be helpful when I encounter students in school settings where I don't have a relationship with the speaker.
Lisa Ann, I appreciate the everyday connections and your use of story to share your idea.
Ognenoff is right. We have
Ognenoff is right. We have almost forgotten how offensive the term can be.
This is so timely. Working
This is so timely. Working with middle schoolers, "that's so gay" is a common phrase. Aside from the offensive nature, it's an inaccurate statement that weakens the quality of their speech and writing. "Say what you really mean!" I usually demand. That's when responses like, "That's so immature" and "That's so ridiculous" are presented. Those statements more clearly describe the speaker's feelings, giving credence to them in a way that the other statement could not.
Where was this campaign when
Where was this campaign when I was in school? I'm a 23 year old african/puerto rican gay male in utah. The worst place for any young lgbt person in the us can be. Besides the fact that less than 1% of the entire state is non white (though we are getting more latinos this was not the case when I was in highschool), religion governs this state and me being opinionated, I was already shunned for my views on abortion, animal testing, interracial adoptions and everything else, gay was just icing on the cake. I dated someone in marching band who ended up killing himself over trying to be gay and mormon while I was kicked out of the house when I came out to my adoptive parents (also mormon). Since no one was in my corner I ended up living on the streets/malls/schools for the remainder of my high school career! I graduated and the only reason I tried college was the fact that it gave me a place to stay and that mentality put me back out. I barely got into an apartment (thanks to government housing) so I might be able to get my life back. There's a lot of teens and young adults that are in the same situation, of the 10000 homeless youth in the state 3000 are between the ages of 14 and 23 and more than half of those people identify themselves as lgbtq. The time for action is now! Actually it was like years ago but still we can't comtinue to allow kids to feel less than human over their orientations. It is no different then what the jews went through or the blacks or pretty much anyone that didn't fit the status quo. It's like Whoopy Goldberg said "gays are the new black people." Is that what we want to teach our kids: conform or die?
I think the word gay is
I think the word gay is overused in most places. Its not fair to refer to a group of any size as an insult. It is like saying that's so Christian or Muslim or Jewish as an insult.
Actually, kids do say "That's
Actually, kids do say "That's so Jewish" which just goes to show how ridiculous all of this is.
I do think the phrase "That's
I do think the phrase "That's so gay" is overused. Most kids just say it because it is the "new cool thing" or because they aren't thinking of it as a hurtful/derogatory term. If kids realized how hurtful it can be to an actual homosexual, than some of them would still say it, but the thoughtful ones would most likely stop. I hope that teachers and parents start to advise their kids not to say this.
I think the word gay itself
I think the word gay itself is used way to much throughout middle school and high school. Sometimes i think people use the term loosely and dont really mean it but they say it anyways. I really believe that it is mostly used as a joke, but it can offend some people even though you didnt mean it. I do think people would stop using it if teachers and other faculty at a school would start addressing the problem at hand. Finally, i think if people did think before they speak nobody would be saying anything like that at all but thats the problem, not many people do.
I think the term "Thats gay"
I think the term "Thats gay" is not used properly. When people say thats so gay, they are pretty much saying they dislike it. There are so many other words to express your feeling without using the word gay. How do you think the actual homosexuals think about this saying?
Act is if you are one when someone says that........How do you feel?
I believe that the expression
I believe that the expression is just said as a joke sometimes not knowing what we are actually implying. I think that everybody should work on thinking about what they're saying before they say it just to be sure that it mite not offend somebody around them. It should frankly never be said because you never know who you will be around.
The term "Gay" in the case
The term "Gay" in the case used by most children and even adults is meaning "uncool" or "abhorrent". This it self would be "Gay", but no it's not gay its uncool. This term has spread to far for comfort. It has made people forget what gay really means. People can make up their own words, not using a word that exists that may hurt someone. As stated in the Bible in the book of Leviticus chapter 19 verse 18 "Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself: I am the LORD." This does not only show that you shouldn't use gay meanly, unthoughtfuly, or even be straight out rude to a gay or lesbian, but that we should treat others the same as our self. This should come to show how we should treat others, The Golden Rule. This "Golden Rule" is found in many religions not just christian so it can not be held against me for using the Bible. Though you should remember what I said becuase it could change not only our world and the ones who live in it too.
I'm sorry but the
I'm sorry but the juxtaposition in the phrase "straight out rude to a gay or lesbian" made me giggle.
I think that GLSEN is right
I think that GLSEN is right about thinking before you speak and that saying "that's so gay" isn't something u should say.
I believe that the term
I believe that the term "That's so Gay" is overused. I think when people say "That's so gay" they really mean that something is frustrating or they do not want to partake in an activity. I hear people say "That's so gay" many times a day and I think it is really offensive to people around them that might hear them. I think people should ban the phrase out of their vocabulary entirely.
It is so bad how people still
It is so bad how people still say this, there are countless other ways to say "that's bad". Many without offending anyone.
I believe that the term
I believe that the term that's so gay is often used more than necessary. I is also used to call something dumb or stupid as opposed to actually calling it gay.
The term "that's so gay", is
The term "that's so gay", is used to much and without much thought in today's world. Today it means that stinks or that is bad, but if you are saying gay means bad, then you are calling gays bad in a way. I think people should keep a tighter tongue when they don't agree with something, and think before they speak.
I do think that most people
I do think that most people do not think before they speak and therefore they blurt out things that are inappropriate or offensive. The term "thats so gay" is usually said when something stupid or bad happens and most people can't stop themselves before saying it. But I think if kids stop saying "thats so gay", it will prevent them from saying it in the future.